Every Blue Christmas Song Ever Written

Christmas for me has never been a sad time of year. Even when I was 11 and my grandfather passed away on Christmas morning, there was joy in my heart, because I knew Granddad went to be with his Lord and Savior who was born on Christmas morning. The joy came from the hope of something more, something greater, something bigger than me that controlled the future and had, specifically, me in His hand. I trust in a mighty big God.

This year, as October followed September in the normal rush of a year passing by, I watched my mother succumb to cancer. The disease is the cruelest of cruel, no one should have to endure the kind of suffering my mother experienced. Although there was little pain, she experienced a different kind of pain. She experienced the not knowing what was happening to her body, not understanding the kind of future she held and ultimately the cruel loss of not only her body, but her ability to hold onto knowledge and memories. Even worse, the last days she was unable to express her desires to those around her. We had to guess at her needs and pray we offered what she needed at the moment.

Those last precious hours, the family gathered near and held her hand, prayed for and with her, sang to her, and offered comforts as best we knew how. And yet... they weren't enough. They could never be enough, because at one point in time, there would be no more.

It was there in the wee hours of the morning she passed away that I realized I could close my eyes and listen to one song playing around and around in my mind. The single phrase of that one song that kept playing as the morning drifted on was, "I'll have a blue Christmas without you, I'll be so blue thinking about you."

The clarity of Elvis' vibrato voice echoing through the chambers of my mind seemed to speak directly to me. I knew he meant the song for a love, sent away to war, but in those moments, it meant only my Mother would never be with us again. I struggled to say Goodbye, knowing that ultimately, I'll see her again. But still, the knowledge was there that this Christmas would be blue without her. My mother, my treasure, my memories... I will miss you this Christmas.